considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
