genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
