Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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