I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
