I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
His nipple licking is glorious
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