It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
