I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
