Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
