he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
