halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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