They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Small penises have feelings too.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
