things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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