well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
