Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
