It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
