Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
