I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
