why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
