Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
