There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
