Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
