Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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