Who did Billy Mays play for?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
