Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
