i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
