What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
