And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
