i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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