dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
