pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
