I will die if light touches me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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