I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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