The maid of honor just puked.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
