Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
