He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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