im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
