I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
