I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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