You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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