wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
