So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
