I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize