Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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