Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize