Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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