I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
