I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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