I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
