It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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