you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
