i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
