i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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