i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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