he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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