turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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