Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
