I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
