The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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