I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
