Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
