I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
