I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
