I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
